Friday, April 08, 2005

Athletes Gone Wild (as in NUTS)

One-time successor to the George Brett baseball throne, Johnny Damon, is running neck and neck with Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick for the sports jerk of the week award.

Damon's bone-headed comments about his ex-wife, and affairs since leaving Kansas City, are out in the open thanks to his tell-all book. He's showing up on morning and late-night talk shows, where he's treated like a great guy. Meanwhile, his book (aptly including the word Idiot in the title) proves otherwise. Do a google search on Damon's name and you get a buffet of articles detailing his douche-baggedness. On a brighter note, his wife is now breaking her silence and going on the counter offensive. In one interview, she claims Damon's frequent outbursts and mood swings lead her to believe he was juicing up.

If only this comes true. I can't wait to find out that Jesus and God told Mike Sweeney to get in touch with the Balco gods and become a power hitting all-star.

As a member of the Royals, he was just another of the good young players the team decided it couldn't sign. He's still that above average player, but money, fame, and long hair apparently went to his head. His true colors are now shown him to be a Hall of Fame caliber jerk.

Speaking of other dick heads that have come through Kauffman Stadium, check out Bo Jackson's whining. He's suing a California newspaper for quoting a doctor who claims Bo's hip deteriorating as a result of using anabolic steroids. That should send a nice chilling message to the media: Don't quote anyone saying anything controversial -- You'll get sued!

No word yet on whether Jackson will involve himself in a legal fight with the medical professional who brought the claims forward (why that would not be the appropriate course of legal action puzzles me).

To top it off this week, we find Michael Vick using the name "Ron Mexico" to avoid being ID'ed at clinics during his treatment for a certain form of VD. Mexico, or Vick as his birth certificate states, is being hit with a lawsuit by a 26-year-old woman for giving her the delightful disease during an unprotected encounter in 2003 (funny how his career has gone into the crapper ever since that time).

While Vick's behavior may seem disturbing to us, it still isn't quite at the Brett/Jamie Quirk level of embarrassment. Ohhh!!

Political Correctness Alert

Sesame Street
won't let the Cookie Monster enjoy his cookies anymore?!!??!@

"C" is for cookies! Not carrots! Not cucumbers!

What's next? Is Big Bird going to lose his big-ness? He'll just be another damn bird walking around high on crystal meth. I don't want a non-descript monster – we got plenty of those. Only one is a cookie fiend (at least of the monsters that have been ‘outed’). Tell PBS and KCPT (our PBS slave) to go to hell if they turn Cookie Monster into a shadow of his old, sugar-crazed self. This fructose whore is a-ok with me. Tell me how to get……..how to get the PBS bastards off his back.


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