Friday, April 08, 2005

Award for Crappiest Area Newspaper

Glance through the assortment of local newspapers at your local library and you'll probably come to the same conclusion I arrived at this week -- The Kansas City Call and the Kansas City Kansan are running neck and neck for the annual "Ted Textor Award for Horrific-ness in Local Print Journalism".

Both publications have been reduced to subsidiaries of all the bland wire services we see in every other mediocre publication. It's a cornucopia of Ads, while being totally void of original content and actual reporting.

I'm giving the slight edge right now to the Kansan. Already the Kansan (owned by the Liberty Publishing Group) has managed to get its other publication shut down. The Shawnee Journal-Herald had a nice run of over 80 years in its respective community, until the current 'leadership' of the Kansan ran it into the ground. So in comes the Shawnee Dispatch (courtesy of the Lawrence-based World Company) to gobble up the market. While the Kansan publishes Tuesday through Saturday, it would probably be best to reduce it to a once or twice a week publication until the decide to start putting some decent content together on a daily basis.

The Call deserves mention as well. It's hard to distinguish the Call anymore from Church newsletters. That's about the level of news-gathering their putting into it these days. You feel sorry for the businesses that advertise with these sorry rags. But it's really all most companies can afford to do.

Abolish Government Mail Distribution...now!!!!

A classified in the Johnson County Sun states that the USPS has position openings that will pay from $17-59/hour! (The latter works out to about $123,000/yr.)

I wish I had read that wrong.
With the exceptions of Baghdad and Kabul, is their anymore depressing place on earth than the government-run post office? This turkey is subsidized left and right, and bleeds money every year. They'll never be FedEx or UPS, so naturally their inviting "Green Cards" to apply and fill their offices. It's 2005 and we're still paying taxes to these assholes when any number of businesses can handle the responsibility of delivering me my junk mail. If you've ever worked in the shipping business for five minutes, you'd understand the difference between private couriers versus the first class incompetence on display at your local USPS.

We'll never be so lucky as to see this actually happen. Ashcroft and his band of terror groupies made sure that the government would be keeping tabs on all mail transactions for the next century.

KC Knights Bouncing Checks, not Basketballs

Jim Clark, owner of the Knights has given subtle indications through the team's web site that his franchise is folding and/or fleeing town. Clark's minor league hoops spectacle leaves behind a legacy of bad checks and poorly run, live entertainment.....a reoccuring theme in the bottoms these days.

Athletes Gone Wild (as in NUTS)

One-time successor to the George Brett baseball throne, Johnny Damon, is running neck and neck with Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick for the sports jerk of the week award.

Damon's bone-headed comments about his ex-wife, and affairs since leaving Kansas City, are out in the open thanks to his tell-all book. He's showing up on morning and late-night talk shows, where he's treated like a great guy. Meanwhile, his book (aptly including the word Idiot in the title) proves otherwise. Do a google search on Damon's name and you get a buffet of articles detailing his douche-baggedness. On a brighter note, his wife is now breaking her silence and going on the counter offensive. In one interview, she claims Damon's frequent outbursts and mood swings lead her to believe he was juicing up.

If only this comes true. I can't wait to find out that Jesus and God told Mike Sweeney to get in touch with the Balco gods and become a power hitting all-star.

As a member of the Royals, he was just another of the good young players the team decided it couldn't sign. He's still that above average player, but money, fame, and long hair apparently went to his head. His true colors are now shown him to be a Hall of Fame caliber jerk.

Speaking of other dick heads that have come through Kauffman Stadium, check out Bo Jackson's whining. He's suing a California newspaper for quoting a doctor who claims Bo's hip deteriorating as a result of using anabolic steroids. That should send a nice chilling message to the media: Don't quote anyone saying anything controversial -- You'll get sued!

No word yet on whether Jackson will involve himself in a legal fight with the medical professional who brought the claims forward (why that would not be the appropriate course of legal action puzzles me).

To top it off this week, we find Michael Vick using the name "Ron Mexico" to avoid being ID'ed at clinics during his treatment for a certain form of VD. Mexico, or Vick as his birth certificate states, is being hit with a lawsuit by a 26-year-old woman for giving her the delightful disease during an unprotected encounter in 2003 (funny how his career has gone into the crapper ever since that time).

While Vick's behavior may seem disturbing to us, it still isn't quite at the Brett/Jamie Quirk level of embarrassment. Ohhh!!

Political Correctness Alert

Sesame Street
won't let the Cookie Monster enjoy his cookies anymore?!!??!@

"C" is for cookies! Not carrots! Not cucumbers!

What's next? Is Big Bird going to lose his big-ness? He'll just be another damn bird walking around high on crystal meth. I don't want a non-descript monster – we got plenty of those. Only one is a cookie fiend (at least of the monsters that have been ‘outed’). Tell PBS and KCPT (our PBS slave) to go to hell if they turn Cookie Monster into a shadow of his old, sugar-crazed self. This fructose whore is a-ok with me. Tell me how to get……..how to get the PBS bastards off his back.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Ebay bidders take a pass on Flavor Flav's Clock

I'm gonna say this was NOT an actual Flavor Flav clock. $10,000 doesn't seem too much for a clock that was actaully worn by Flav. I think you could probably also net about 10 G's for any accessory modeled by one of the three Fat Boys.

The KC Version of Tommy Motola?

The KC Star has found a former Lenexa resident who is now calling shots in the music industry out west. As you can tell from his story, he's no Suge Knight, but it's good to see a KC guy making waves in the entertainment biz.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

KCUR Deems Itself "Phenomenal!"

During their on-air pledge drive, a KCUR announcer read off a laundry list of adjectives before he landed on a title to sum up the local NPR affiliate's contribution to KC:

"KCUR is a.....cultural phenomenon!"

You know what's really phenomenal? The fact that it's 2005, and we still have government funded media.

Look, I'm a fan of KCUR, and NPR in general if only for the fact that it gives you an option that isn't sports talk or "news" talk radio. Still, NPR (like the KC Star) has never met a government program it didn't like. Who can blame'em. It's the hand that feeds.

I'd be nice to have some real news reporting going on in KC radio. All we have left is AM reports courtesy of the crusier 980. Unfortunately, that station turns into a Republican noise machine b by the afternoon.

ESPN 8 - The Ocho - Student Sportscaster Bombs

This is brutally funny/embarrassing. Poor kid is going to end up in radio after this episode.

Signs of the End of Our Open Society

Number of documents classified by the Executive Branch, annually:

2001: 8.7 million
2002: 11.3 million
2003: 14.2 million
2004: 15.7 million

Number of documents declassified by the Executive Branch, annually:

2001: 100 million
2002: 44 million
2003: 43 million
2004: 28 million

props to Reason Magazine

Americans Prefer Cousins Marrying over Same-Sex Couples

As Kansas voted in the 'marriage' amendment yesterday (way to go folks), a Cnn.com pole was asking if states should be able to PREVENT 1ST COUSINS from HOLY MATRIMONY.

2/3's of all respondents said states SHOULD NOT prevent 1st cousins from tying the knot.


Inflation Effecting Royals Ticket Prices

Tickets to sit at a Royals game behind the players dugout cost $27. Five years ago, these same seats cost only $18.

The old GA seats in the outfield have gone from $7 to $12, parking is up to $9, and Hy-Vee doesn't hesitate to tack on the $2.50 ticketmaster surrrrr-charge either.

Is the K going to still be 'family'-affordable fun in another five years? The T-Bones have got to be quietly chuckling at the spike in prices.